


These Changes Ain't Changing Me

by nagi_schwarz



Series: Play Along [20]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, F/M, M/M, band au, musician au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 11:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7572076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the comment_fic prompt: "Stargate Atlantis, John Sheppard, John fails to hide a serious illness from his friends."</p><p>John finally tells the truth about everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Changes Ain't Changing Me

They sat in the waiting room of the ER, taking up an entire row of uncomfortable plastic chairs. Evan was still on his cell phone, switching back and forth between calls, answering questions. Elizabeth was on her way. Jennifer’s mother was headed to the airport to pick up a plane ticket to fly out there. Teyla was sending text messages to Kanaan. Rodney was sending text messages to Jeannie.  
  
“Cancer?” Ronon kept his voice low, but he couldn’t keep the fury out of it.  
  
“I’m handling it,” John said.  
  
“Really? Is that why you had an entire pharmacy’s worth of meds stashed in the bathroom on the bus?” Ronon’s voice was shaking, and he didn’t care. He couldn’t look at John, stared straight ahead at the double doors the EMTs had taken Jennifer through.  
  
“Yes. I followed my doctors’ instructions to the letter.”  
  
“Dammit, John. Will you ever tell people anything?”  
  
“I was going to tell you once it was officially in remission. I’m almost done with chemo.”  
  
Ronon scrubbed a hand over his mouth, bit back a litany of truly brilliant curses he’d learned from his grandfather over the years. “The buzzed hair. All the throwing up. The way you never joined us in the pit, never drank alcohol. That damn song you wrote. All hints, never a word. We’re your friends, your family. Why don’t you trust us?”  
  
“This isn’t about me,” John said firmly. “It’s about Jennifer.” He leaned over, reached out. “Rodney, everything will be okay.”  
  
“Shut up. Don’t talk to me.”  
  
John flinched back.  
  
It was a scene Ronon had witnessed a thousand times in high school. Tonight, he had no sympathy for John.  
  
Evan finally pocketed his cell phone and sighed, buried his face in his hands. Then he straightened up. “Anyone need anything? Coffee?”  
  
“That would be much appreciated.” Teyla mustered up a smile for him. He nodded and bustled away.  
  
John, Ronon noticed, was still wearing Cam Mitchell’s t-shirt, the one he’d worn onstage during tonight’s concert. Ronon wondered if anyone else would notice.  
  
Evan returned with surprisingly good coffee for everyone. He didn’t have a chance to sit down and enjoy his own cup, because Elizabeth appeared, and he surrendered it to her. She sat down on one of the awful plastic chairs, looking beautiful and perfectly turned out even though it was after midnight.  
  
“Evan,” she said, “what happened?”  
  
“Jennifer fainted. Probably due to low blood-sugar, or some other issue related to her eating disorder,” Evan said.  
  
Rodney lifted his head sharply. “You knew?”  
  
Evan didn’t look at Rodney, kept addressing himself to Elizabeth, but Ronon saw the way his shoulders tightened. “I did my best to manage the situation, but -”  
  
Elizabeth frowned. “Manage the situation? Evan, she needed medical attention ages ago. How long has this been going on?”  
  
“I’d have to check my notes,” Evan admitted. “I knew she was internalizing a lot of the negative reviews, so I had Naoe put a filter on her phone and computer to weed out the very worst of them.”  
  
Rodney was out of his chair and across the waiting room, caught Evan by the shoulder. “You _knew?_ You little _bastard_ -”  
  
“Not here,” Elizabeth said sharply. She stood up and strode for the doors, and the others followed, John trailing behind.  
  
As they walked, Elizabeth cast Evan a searing look. “What else do you know that you haven’t told me?”  
  
“I told you about John and Cameron Mitchell,” Evan began.  
  
“What else?”  
  
“Teyla’s family,” Evan said.  
  
Teyla paused. “What about my family?”  
  
“Ronon’s grandfather,” Evan continued, as if Teyla hadn’t spoken. “Rodney’s college fund for his sister. John’s health.”  
  
Elizabeth paused once they were standing in an empty section of the parking lot, far from prying eyes and ears. “What about John’s health?”  
  
“Cancer,” Ronon spat. “Just like his mother.”  
  
Elizabeth whirled to face him. “John -”  
  
John was pale. “You knew?”  
  
Evan ducked his head. “It’s my job to know everything about you. I followed my directives, ma’am. Protect them. Understand them. Forgive them.”  
  
“Forgive us for what?” Rodney demanded.  
  
“You throw things at Evan when he wakes you up in the morning,” Teyla said.  
  
“Your first job is to protect them,” Elizabeth said sharply, “including from themselves. Jennifer and John needed medical attention, not running themselves into exhaustion every night.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am.”   
  
For the first time, Ronon realized how young Evan was. The same age as the rest of them. Evan’s efficiency and unflappable calm always made him seem older, but damn, he was just a punk kid like everyone else in this hot mess.  
  
“You will be if something happens to Jennifer,” Rodney snapped.  
  
Evan flinched.  
  
John swallowed hard. “Don’t take it out on him.”  
  
“Do not talk to me unless you’re going to tell me the truth.” Rodney rounded on John. “Is everything that comes out of your mouth a lie? What else is there that you haven’t told us?”  
  
John wet his lips nervously. Rodney knew John’s tells. He pounced.  
  
“ _What_ , Sheppard?”  
  
Ronon knew what it was. Teyla knew what it was. Judging by Evan’s expression, he knew what it was too. Elizabeth didn’t know what it was, but she knew it existed. If John refused to tell, his relationship with Rodney would be shattered forever. But now was the worst time for John to dump his feelings on Rodney.  
  
“Rodney -” John began, protesting.  
  
“You tell me right now, or so help me, our friendship is over.”  
  
Teyla stepped forward, put a hand on Rodney’s shoulder. “Now is not the time.”  
  
Rodney stared at her in disbelief. “You know what it is, don’t you? You too, Ronon?”  
  
Ronon nodded.  
  
“And - Evan? Dammit, John, why do you always tell everyone but me?”  
  
“He didn’t tell me,” Evan said. “I’m just observant. And I’m guessing he didn’t outright tell the others, either, that they figured it out.”  
  
Teyla and Ronon nodded.  
  
Rodney crossed his arms over his chest. “Contrary to popular belief, the world does not revolve around you, John Sheppard. It’s not my job to sit around all day, wondering about you and brooding about you and what’s going on between your ridiculous ears.”  
  
“I know that,” John said. “Your music, Jeannie, and Jennifer are your top priorities. I didn’t expect you to figure it out.”  
  
“You mean you didn’t want me to,” Rodney snapped. “You said you were in this band a hundred and ten percent. You say you gave up your family, but by the looks of things you didn’t really give up your brother and you never cared much for your father. This entire time, you’ve been holding back, and I’ve had enough. Tell me, or I walk.”  
  
“You might walk anyway.”  
  
“If you don’t tell me, I’ll definitely walk. You’ll just have to play the odds, won’t you?”  
  
Elizabeth cast Evan another dark look, and he hunched his shoulders, looking miserable.   
  
“I'm in love with you,” John said finally.   
  
Rodney blinked. “Wait, what? But you - and Mitchell -”  
  
“It was your first week, freshman year. You were on your way to the band room. You grabbed my arm and dragged me with you and pushed me down on the piano bench and you played Brooklyn. You asked me what I thought and I told you it was beautiful.” John’s voice was soft and raw and Evan looked pained and Elizabeth looked embarrassed.   
  
Ronon watched realization dawn on Rodney’s face, watched him reassess years of memories and interactions with John.   
  
“I didn't start dating Jennifer till the end of freshman year. You didn't even try.”

“I thought you were. With the notes. I showed up to the meeting place and you weren't there, and I figured you'd changed your mind.”  
  
“There were still a few months before Jennifer and I -”  
  
“You always talked about how you liked her, though,” Evan said. “And when you did bother to talk to John, it was to call him stupid a hundred different ways. I was surprised he hung on this long.”  
  
“What would you know about it?” Rodney snapped.   
  
“I sat behind you in AP physics, AP stats, and AP calculus,” Evan said, subdued. “Jennifer Keller, Evan Lorne, Rodney McKay.”  
  
“I thought you looked familiar,” Teyla murmured.   
  
“Does Jennifer know?” Rodney asked.   
  
John shook his head. “No. But she knew about my - health. Figured it out pretty early on.”  
  
Ronon sighed. “How the hell did we make it this far, with none of us telling each other anything?”  
  
“You signed a contract.” Elizabeth’s expression was stern, disapproving. “Represented that you would be able to fulfill its terms.”  
  
“I have been able.” John shifted his attention to her. “I haven't missed a show or an interview, I've been in the studio with the others for recording sessions. I am going to be fine. The doctors -”  
  
“Wouldn't have told you it was okay to go on the road while you're immuno-compromised.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Evan, call Richard. The rest of you, inside. Jennifer will need a friendly face or two.”  
  
They nodded and turned toward the hospital doors, but Rodney glanced at John and said, “Not you. I'm done with you.”  
  
John stopped short, nodded, and turned away. Evan, who was already on the phone to Woolsey, reached into his pocket to give John money for a cab, but John just said he’d walk, and he turned and headed into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from All These Things That I've Done by The Killers


End file.
